Post Camp Blues

Okay so here I am, its almost 4pm on a Friday which means soon enough I get to go home and have the weekend off J me happy about that.

As usual I have invitations to FND (sorry Green flirt) and as usual at the moment I have no money to go out L. I’m hoping I’ll get paid in a weeks time which will mean I can go out and have fun. For the moment however it looks like I’m going home to put up with my parents, yep thanks to the end of Uni I am back home with my parents, its taking some getting used to.

This year at camp was so different from the others I am finding it really hard to settle back in at home and I have to admit to missing camp a hell of a lot. Don’t get me wrong the other years have been brill and I have missed camp but this year I really didn’t want to come home. Maybe the trek with Mike was what did it, or being offered a new job at camp next year, or maybe its just ware I’m happiest …..!

I don’t now and in many ways I don’t really care, as long as RLC 09 keeps me going I will be fine, at the moment I aren’t having that much fun being back in the UK lol!

I'm home! and Working :-S

Okay so I am home again, apologies for not managing to keep you all more updated but spending time on computers was not one of my main ideas for fun this year!

This year was amazing and apart from 2 terrible weeks I think I had the best time I've ever had at RLC.

Anyways I am at work at the moment so just taking a few minutes to make sure this is still up and running.

Will get round to updating soon I hope!

Marty

America Mk 3

Firstly my apologies for sending an awful group E-Mail out but I'm running low on time so probably won't have chance to E-Mail everyone individually.

As some of you now I've have a few major changes in my life recently!

Firstly I'm going back to Camp this year so as always I'll see you in August/September, I'll be back at home when I finish Camp as I've finished at Uni!

Well that's it for now, I'm off to America on Wednesday so bye for now!

Marty

Timeline!

Just wanted to keep everyone up to date so far lol!

 

 

 

4 days to go (well 3 really lol) I've been out with my parents all day and its been quite fun .... don't tell them that lol!  Ah well nice way to end my time before camp :-)
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5 days to go and I'm about move out of halls for the final time :-( ahhh not happy!  Oh and I'm spending Sunday with my parents were going walking ....... yeah walking :-(
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6 days to go and I have just found out I have an interview on the day before America!!!!! AHHHH!
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7 days to go and I've got my full flight details, also found out I can assign everyone Kosher meals from CA if I was vindictive lol!
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8 Days to go and my bags already packed!!! I can't believe it and do feel like somethings missing .... :-S
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Well I have 9 days before I zoom off on Virgin Atlantic :-)

The End of Halls ....

Well here I am, sitting in D6 surrounded by what's left of my once full, fun, organized room. 

 

Its quite sad to see really, I'm still having shifts here for another few weeks but lucking like it does at the moment it feels like I've almost gone home already. 

 

The walls are bare and there's two Uni halls shopping trolleys full of my stuff for when my mum comes to pick me up in the morning.  I'm very sad halls are ending but we did have a good year .

 

Oh yeah people remember to send me your addresses I am going to send people post cards from America  .... it'll take most of my day off to write em like.

 

Marty

Quick Update

Hey everyone,

 

Well since I haven't updated in ages (sorry about that!) I figured I'd send a wee little update the way of my blog lol!

 

Things are good at the moment, I've finally finished my Final Year Project, suddenly my life for 8 months has gone!  I've been bouncing round for the past few days cause I no longer have to worry about it lol! 

 

The last few weeks have had a lost of lasts actually, Last IT Help presentation, Last Visit to Management Centre, Last Handin's at Management and Informatics' even the last lecture's I'll probably ever have at the Uni!

 

It's a weird feeling to think this time next year everything will be different, I won't be in halls, I'll be at home and hopefully with a job. 

 

I've got just over a month before I'm back in America, I'm glad I decided to do it again its meaning I aren't panicking about the future after Uni just yet, am gonna go and have fun first then plan, weird for me that I usually plan everything before but I want a change.

 

I haven't really got any further with the whole ware do I fit in problems of the past but I've started to realise why there are certain people in this Uni I hate ... cause there is no way I ever want to be as pushy and arrogant as them, its nice to see people standing up to them for a change. 

 

The fact that as of June 14th I am no longer a student or living in halls is scaring me a little, but, you know what?  I'm ready for the change.

 

Well I better get on I feel in a creative mood lol!

 

Marty

Tuesday's Angsty Ramblings

Okay so I think I've finally managed to get a hold of the whole teenage Angst thingy, okay so I admit I aren't a teenager anymore but it doesn't seem to have lessened the feelings. 

I suppose when I was a teenager everything just seemed to fit into place, I had a job a subject (Philosophy) that I loved and that's when everything just happened.  One day I said I would never go to Uni, the next I was applying and then in September there I was a fully fledged Uni student. 

I never had to worry because the next four years of my life were sorted, the only thing I needed to organise was what to do over summer, Round Lake came along to sort that for me as well.

I guess that over the past four years I have changed allot but the change has been held in a safe environment, I was at Uni that wouldn't change, the worst thing that could happen was a bad grade or falling out with my mates in halls.  It's been so safe, but know its coming to an end, my safety blankets coming off. 

Problem is I don't know if I feel safe without it. 

 

I remember when I was in the sixth form new things excited me, life made me happy, my friends made me realise who I was and for the first time I could face the world as the new improved "Marty".  I wasn't scared, I was so happy that I knew what was to come, I didn't panic or feel scared by the changes in my life.

I wish I could go back to that time, the future doesn't scare me but I don't feel entirely confident with it either.  I know I aren't bothered by money (odd I know) so that isn't a factor in my decision of job, but at the same time I know I want to do something that actually means something.  I don't want to be in an office shifting paperwork and creating reports which in reality have no real meaning in life, I'm sick of management talking about all the theory of management and how you can sort it all out by numbers and how one theory is better than all others.  They seem to forget there actually dealing with people, not just numbers.

I guess it's my philosophical side coming through again, I hate to see the world commanded by numbers or anything which means people can't express themselves because it isn't 'normal'.  I need a job where I can make a difference to the world and not just make money for a big company.

Couple all this with the fact I can't seem to get back into my project with just over a week to go, its 40% of my degree but I've lost all interest in it, I don't know what to do to get out of this rut.  I might actually take up the offer of counselling I was given when I started the warden job, that'll be a laugh me ranting on to some stranger, although knowing what I'm like I'll probably end up talking to them about themselves, sometimes it's annoying that I can get people to talk to me so darn well!

Of course that isn't all though, no, I've been reading way too many story's of late on Fan Fiction, it's never a good idea for me to read any story because I get caught up in the story and start to see similarity's with things I am doing.  Basically I've started to look at my non love life.  As my last post said I still don't feel comfortable dealing with that many gay people at once, I don't know if it's because I don't like the whole "I'm gay deal with it" way in which some gay people act or if it's just that's not how I see myself and feel uncomfortable seeing the stereotype that some people see me as.  I'm gay, I'm proud but I'm also an individual and I refuse to act all camp or go round randomly shagging people just to conform to some stereotype that has been created.

Plus I'm scared that I've stopped looking for a partner, I'm putting more and more effort into being a good responsible friend that I've forgotten what it's like to date, I can't even get up the courage to go out and get drunk any more cause I don't feel like I'll ever be able to be myself if I'm with either group of friends I go out. 

I feel bad for my old school friends, they can't tell what's up, I've stopped getting in contact as much, part of me is sad to say its cause I'm unhappy with myself, when I was in the sixth form I was the confident person who was my own person.  I don't know how they'd react to the current state of me!

Weirdly though day to day I feel more content than I ever have but its when I stop and think, that's when I feel bad, that's when I'm scared of life, scared of doing what I think is write, scared of being wrong!

But before anyone gets the wrong idea I love being in halls, I love hanging round with people who have so many different view and experiences, if I could do this year all over again I wouldn't change a thing.  Sure there's been Drama, arguments and serious amounts of Halls Angst but that's par for the course, the halls parties, the trip bowling the randomness of halls, I'll miss it all cause its probably the most fun I've had in years, hell maybe ever.  Ever since sixth form I've had a good group of friends but at the moment I think I'm the luckiest I've ever been, but it's time to explain to my old friends why I've been acting so weird, that's why I've rambled on for 1,000 words .... blimey I wish Uni work came this easily lol!